How do you tell your parents you're an atheist?
This is a tough one. It's a tough one for me when I was growing up, and it's a tough one for a lot of students I come into contact with.
I didn't tell my parents I was an atheist when I was in high school. And I only kind of told them when I had been kind of a very active atheist in college. Because I mean, there are a few reasons.
One is... I mean, at the very serious end, your parents may think they've done something wrong and it's the complete opposite of that.
There's one girl I write about in my book, where she challenged her school because they forced her to stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance which she didn't want to, because she didn't believe we're a nation under God.
And she challenged it, and she won, the school had to change its policy. And you would think, "What a wonderful thing this student did. She challenged her school." "She did the right thing. The school was wrong."
You know, "people should be celebrating her." And her parents kicked her out of the house as a result. I mean, she was 18 and on her own, because their parents weren't going to support her anymore.
And that happens, I think, a lot more often than we think. So, I understand that a lot of students, a lot of kids don't want to come out to their parents at all.
What they could do, what sometimes helps, and it changes in every situation, is just kind of throwing some hints in their parents' direction.
Maybe when you go to church, instead of just accepting everything the pastor says, raise the questions that you have, like, "How do you know that's true?" "Why do we know that's true?"
Here's a counterexample: "So, Mom, Dad, what do I do with that?" You know, put your parents on the defensive. Make them defend what these beliefs are because if you keep asking enough questions, I know pastors are afraid of that, and certainly a lot of parents would be, too.
They don't have answers to those questions all the time. So, you can always throw things at them in that way, just kind of challenging the religious beliefs, poking holes in it, little by little.
Sometimes you may just want to start a group on your own and really explore your own faith because the last thing you want to do is come out to your parents as an atheist only to realize: "Maybe that's not where I am."
So, sometimes it helps to just kind of have a different outlet. I'm jealous of people today because they have so many internet forums and ways to come out as an atheist.
And get answers to their questions because I know I didn't have any of that when I grew up. I couldn't tell my parents. I didn't have any friends who were atheists.
So, I would have to go on AOL dial-up late at night and wait an hour for the page to load. And then get my answers that way.
And even then the answers came from these, like, crazy people online with their crazy websites, and only after a while do I begin to think: "Oh, that person has a point," even though they're totally crazy.
And now they have these forums where you could ask questions on Reddit or you can find blogs and websites, and really feel that identity and embrace it, because it's not a big deal.
So, I think, when it comes to coming out to your parents, it's probably not the first thing I would do, but, they were down the list of people I told I was an atheist.
They were lower on that list. But, when you're in college, when you're off on your own, when your parents want you to, like, have a religious wedding ceremony or, you know, go through some religious ritual, you can kind of tell them, "I don't want to go through that." "It's not for me".
And hopefully, they'll respect you. And if they don't, I mean, I know a lot of adults who still haven't come out to their parents, and they went through the rituals, they allowed their kids to get baptized, they went through a religious wedding ceremony just to appease their parents, even though they didn't believe any of it at the time.
I feel bad for them, but it's just they wanted to keep the peace, so it's what they did. I want to criticize those parents that their kids couldn't be honest with them about who they are, and so they're doing whatever it takes to make their parents happy, even though they don't believe it themselves.
I hope I never turned into a parent like that, you know, even if my kid ends up being religious or something.
So, it's a tough question about how do you come out to your parents, but it starts by raising some questions, it starts by challenging them on their own views.
And, best-case scenario, what you might actually find out, is your parents were taking you to church, and reading the Bible to you, because they thought it's what they had to do, but they don't believe any of it either.
I've met several students who finally told their parents, you know: "I don't believe any of this." And their parents are like, "Phew! We don't believe any of it either."
"We're atheists too." That sometimes happens, that best-case scenario. For the most part, I wouldn't do it immediately. I would kind of gauge where they're at.
I would figure out where I'm at. And then I would slowly ease my way into the process. And that's if I wanted to come out to them at all.
Some arguments would say, you know, maybe it's a better idea to just kind of keep it to yourself because your parents aren't going to get it.
And you know what? If they're just going to provide more hassle for you if you do come out, maybe it's better just leave them in the dark about that part of your life.
I hope that doesn't happen, I hope very few people take that advice, but sometimes it's the easiest way to deal with it, and I respect people who take that route.
And now they have these forums where you could ask questions on Reddit or you can find blogs and websites, and really feel that identity and embrace it, because it's not a big deal.
So, I think, when it comes to coming out to your parents, it's probably not the first thing I would do, but, they were down the list of people I told I was an atheist.
They were lower on that list. But, when you're in college, when you're off on your own, when your parents want you to, like, have a religious wedding ceremony or, you know, go through some religious ritual, you can kind of tell them, "I don't want to go through that." "It's not for me".
And hopefully, they'll respect you. And if they don't, I mean, I know a lot of adults who still haven't come out to their parents, and they went through the rituals, they allowed their kids to get baptized, they went through a religious wedding ceremony just to appease their parents, even though they didn't believe any of it at the time.
I feel bad for them, but it's just they wanted to keep the peace, so it's what they did. I want to criticize those parents that their kids couldn't be honest with them about who they are, and so they're doing whatever it takes to make their parents happy, even though they don't believe it themselves.
I hope I never turned into a parent like that, you know, even if my kid ends up being religious or something.
So, it's a tough question about how do you come out to your parents, but it starts by raising some questions, it starts by challenging them on their own views.
And, best-case scenario, what you might actually find out, is your parents were taking you to church, and reading the Bible to you, because they thought it's what they had to do, but they don't believe any of it either.
I've met several students who finally told their parents, you know: "I don't believe any of this." And their parents are like, "Phew! We don't believe any of it either."
"We're atheists too." That sometimes happens, that best-case scenario. For the most part, I wouldn't do it immediately. I would kind of gauge where they're at.
I would figure out where I'm at. And then I would slowly ease my way into the process. And that's if I wanted to come out to them at all.
Some arguments would say, you know, maybe it's a better idea to just kind of keep it to yourself because your parents aren't going to get it.
And you know what? If they're just going to provide more hassle for you if you do come out, maybe it's better just leave them in the dark about that part of your life.
I hope that doesn't happen, I hope very few people take that advice, but sometimes it's the easiest way to deal with it, and I respect people who take that route.
Originally published by Hemant Mehta on the Atheist Voice. Published on Fadewblogs by Dave Martin.
Disclaimer: This article is published on Fadewblogs with the permission of the author.
